Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You ruined the universe
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
