i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
