Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
