So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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