Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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