I think i peed on brittanys purse
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
