Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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