Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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