It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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