you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
