If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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