afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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