Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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