I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
