Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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