Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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