Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
