woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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