I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
