highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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