I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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