you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
