I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize