I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
