If that was your dad, he is hot
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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