Michael Bay diarrhea
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
