I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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