Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
