I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
