he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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