now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
