Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
