I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
