Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
