is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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