Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
