im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
