Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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