what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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