Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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