we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
