my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
