Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
