Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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