If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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