My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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