She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
