I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
