So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
