I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
