Tell her she can't have a vagina
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
