I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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