i may or may not be watching the land before time
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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