i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
