Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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