sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
