So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
