I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
