I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
