He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
