suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
