I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
