There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
