My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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