Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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