yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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