The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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