Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
