take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
