there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
